...how things were supposed to be

A friend of mine posted this today on Facebook and it struck me.

I don't really agree that our perfect pictures are what screw us up the most. But. They can screw us up pretty bad.

I was talking to a new friend last night about a season I was in a few years ago. 

Home.

With toddlers and a brand new baby.

All I did was nurse. Peel wrappers off of string cheese. Fill sippy cups. Change diapers. Cut crusts off sandwiches. Wash dishes. All while husband was getting to go out and work, have a ministry life, having contact with adults and getting to leave the house everyday.

There were many days that I was mad (or maybe just jealous?) That wasn’t what I had signed up for. When we got married I was in school to fulfill my dream of being a marriage and family therapist. I wanted to change lives and help people. I was going to pick my babes up from daycare and bring home a paycheck. I didn't have plans to be a stay-at-home-mom. I had done my time as a nanny. I did my time raising kids as big sister in a big family and then for a year as a volunteer in Mexico mothering 14 little girls. I couldn't wait to be a working mama.

So I was pissed. 'Cause this was not how it was supposed to be.

And a couple years before that... marriage. Mine was not how marriage was supposed to be. I had a husband that suffered severely from depression, anxiety and years of heavy baggage. He found every way possible to escape the hardships of our marriage. Video games, internet... etc. etc. 

We were a mess. We almost called it quits. This was not how it was supposed to be.

I feel like so many things in life 

disappoint us because they contradict the ideas and expectations that we still hold from childhood: pictures of what our lives were supposed to look like when we grew up. 

Luckily, it is deeply embedded in my utmost being that I am a long suffering and merciful fighter. 

So I persevered - got through those early years of being lonely, at home, and stuck 25 minutes outside of the city. But now? My world has opened up and it is expanding as my children get older and my husband continues to encourage my personal growth and new opportunities. I'm doing things now that I never would have imagined I'd be doing. 

I fought hard for my marriage and for my husband. Thank God I did. Our marriage is so strong now. And we have three amazing kids that would never have entered into the world had we not worked through the messiness and muck of hard marital circumstances. 

So. Bottom line (if you are asking me) ?

Get rid of the pictures in your head of how things were supposed to be. 

Work with what you got. 

So. Just wanted to share what was on my mind today. What are your thoughts?

A guest post.

It's funny. This week two of my friends have contacted me with the desire to share on my blog. I'm generous (and have been too busy to blog out my thoughts lately) so I said "YES PLEASE!"

One of my friends is Steph. She just texted me yesterday and said "I got a post for you." and I agreed to post it. She e-mailed it to me. Then I read it. Then I cried. She told me that I could change it. She told me that I could edit it and take out the swear word.

This is hard for me to post, because when I said "yes" I had no idea what it was going to be about. As I read it my heart burst with love. My friend loves me. And she knows that I love her. I have never read anything like this before. No one has ever typed out these descriptions of me, especially for me to read. 

I'm deciding to post it because she is forcing me to because I want to show you that when you make the effort to pour in to friends and loved ones, it makes a huge impact, and if you are lucky, they will pour back in to you... which Steph has done on so many occasions. 

She really is the octopus that stays stuck on my face. 

The “Friend” everyone should have…

It all started with a couple of little boys who have been friends for over 30 years. Matt and Mike are our husbands, and it just so happens that nothing will ever bust them apart. They’re brothers. They’ve been through the good, the bad, and the ugly…just as real brothers should. So it goes that as their wives, we (me and Sierra) are expected to get along and hang out.

the husbands

the wives

So we did. We got together and hung out. We went to the movies, we grilled out in their backyard, we even went camping together. Though when we would talk about each other it was always, “Matt’s best friend’s wife…” or “Mike’s wifey” and so our friendship began. You know, one of those, friendship by marriage kind of things. Except that it wasn’t. When I moved to the Twin Cities, she was pretty much my ONLY friend here, and was she really my friend, or was she simply “Matt’s wife”?

So she has this thing with all her friends where they all have a special name. There’s her BFF, who from I can tell is her best friend. But then there’s her LP (Life Partner) and from what I can tell, she’s her best friend. And then there’s her Seester, which you guessed it, is probably her best friend. Let’s just put it this way: SO many women think Sierra is her best friend, that there are probably a dozen half-heart necklaces in her jewelry box, if you know what I mean. The girl gets around. 

 ANYWAY-

I could never figure out how I fit into the friend equation. She knows some of the deepest, darkest shit stuff that I have ever been through, and she makes me feel like her only friend in the world (that’s how her light shines on you).  Yet, I have met so many of her friends and she is not possessive in the slightest.

So what DO you call a friend like this??

A friend that will make YOU dinner even though she has 3 of her own kids and watches 2 more during the day, and oh yeah, "I just painted my living room while I was making you soup."

A friend that just calls and says, “I have Ben and Jerry’s in my freezer and you can come whenever you want.”

A friend that will spend a year praying with you faithfully every Sunday that you will have the baby of your dreams…

A friend that hosts a legit cocktail party at her house and then proceeds to make you hot, doing your hair and makeup, before other guests arrive…cause did I tell you that she could do hair professionally? She’s that good. And she wants YOU to look hot.

A friend that shows up at the hospital at 10 o’clock at night to be with you after you just gave birth. Then breaks the news that your mom was just in a car accident leaving the hospital….but don’t worry, it’ll be fine, just a fender bender, your husband’s taking care of her. Oh, and did I mention she convinced the nurse to give me a mixed drink and then proceeded to teach me how to breastfeed until 1 am when my husband got back. Yes. That kind of a friend.

A friend that listens when you call her hysterically crying about your dumb awesome husband, family drama, or how much breastfeeding REALLY FRICKIN' hurts.

A friend that if you don’t call her for a month, she’s not secretly holding a grudge against you (ain't nobody got time for that and she knows it).

A friend that is now the godmother of my sweet baby boy…

A friend that stands strong for her brothers and sister after her dad died and they lost their house.

A friend that loves Jesus, loves her kids, loves her husband, and will love on you- no matter what.

She’s Sierra. She’s my friend, and really, the friend that everyone should have.

A few findings in my cozy little casita

Well we are just about done with the unbelievably chilly cold front that just swept through the good ol' MN. 

I feel so fortunate to have a warm house.

Just before it hit we spent an afternoon sledding near our house with some of our favorite neighbors. While Eli slept and daddy cleaned the basement at home, Maximo, Gabriel and I walked through the snowy streets to the park near our house. See kids? I am a fun and nice mom sometimes.

Over the last few weeks with holidays and numerous gatherings of friends and family at our house, I enjoyed making my house feel warm and welcoming for my loved ones. 

I spend most of my time on our main level. So that is where I spend the most time decorating and cleaning. I love changing up the decor when the season's change. Recently my friend did a class about finding her decor style. I don't know what mine is, but I know that everything that I display is meaningful, has a purpose or just makes me feel happy. Here are a few updates of the findings in my cozy casita.

This is a tea cup and saucer from my friend, Halie's wedding last year.
The beehive candle is from my neighbor Amy.
The greenery is from my mama.

I sure love little plants.
The cider jug is an antique my MIL found among abandoned items in an elderly neighbor's home.
Dipped pine cones from a Christmas season project.
Our neighbor got us the wooden manikin for Christmas. Reminds me of the one my parents had.

More and more... 

And more greenery.

I still need to get pictures in my empty frames.

I just hung this mirror in the entry way.
A little floral wreath adorns the top.

And in the wreath is an awesome sign my friend made with her
wood burning kit. "Dude... slow your roll" is a frequent saying coming from my mouth. 

I simplified our entry way dresser.
We decided to keep hats/gloves/mittens/scarves
in here this year. It's worked out super well.

I love having a chalk board sign in my porch. 

There are two rooms in our house that have not been formally decorated. Our bathroom and our bedroom. 

Someday our bedroom will be painted and pretty when Matt let's me take over and decorate the way that I want to, but until then I decided that I could at least decorate my corner the way I want to.

My corner is the furthest from the closet. It is always a mess, always has a pile of clothes that I need to put away and never looks pretty or organized. 

So I pintrested the heck out of it transformed it and now it is so cute to look at. It's also functional and makes me less likely to fill with clothing that will never make it to the closet. And how much did I spend? (I'm making a 'zero' with my fingers and looking through it) ZERO DOLLARS!

My mama got me these sweet bird cage hooks last year. (Thanks ma!)  I had no where to hang them
until NOW! How cute are they? And I still have another one that is a pretty vintage blue
that I'll be able to use somewhere else.

This frame thingy I made when my friend brought over  some
left over chicken wire (thanks Andrea!)
I had the empty frame from when my friend left me treasures
when she moved to Florida (thanks Cindy!)

And  here it is! TAAAAH DAH!!!!

Husband hung up a third rack for my scarves and so now they all fit! (Thanks babe!)

Next project on my to-do list.... 

tackling that mess that is

 the top of my dresser. Yikes.

Still need to hang a few more dangly earrings.
And then figure out how to display my studs for easy access.
And figure out what to do with all the other little
mis-matched things.

So, there's that. A light and airy little post about the little things and simple tasks that make my heart happy these days. Hope you all are finding little ways to make your days go by just a little bit smoother and brighter.

Also I thought I'd add a little picture from Christmas. Our Christmas was simple and sweet. 

Our little boys on Christmas morning right before they got to open their presents.
They couldn't have been happier.

Good night!

be brave.

So interesting. 

I needed a break away and my wonderful husband let me escape to our favorite hang out (Groundswell of course) to get a break.

I'm dinking around on my laptop and sippin' my tea, catching bits and pieces from all the conversations around me. 

The nice older ladies at the table beside me are talking about their goals for the year. Their goals sound like all of our goals: Important yet redundant. 

Then there are three 20-something dudes. They are sitting a little further away but a few of their words trail over to me and my ears perk up when I hear "sex trafficking.... strip clubs... healing and restoration... God's love.... righteous anger..." and then I start to get that tingly feeling that I get when I know God's about to have me do something crazy. So I text my friend Kjersti. One of my fellow fighting-the-good-fight girls and tell her. She's the one I mentioned recently that also has a heart for women in the sex industry. My text ended with "pray that if this is a divine appointment that God makes it happen!" 

I was sorta hoping maybe she would get the text later and not make me go talk to them. But she yelled at me over text to TALK TO THEM!!! 

I have talked about it before that I am struggling with what my role is supposed to be in connection with the women and children being affected by sex trafficking and the sex industry. Lately I feel like God's revealing to me that it is simple. That I am just supposed to raise awareness. Start conversations. Make connections. Point people in the direction of my friends who are getting to be the hands and feet. Pray. Educate myself. Know resources. Be a voice for the voiceless. 

So I did it. I risked looking dumb. I risked sounding nosy. I walked up and said "Sooooo.... this is gonna sound weird, but, I was kinda hearing parts of your conversation and was wondering...." 

And guess what? These guys are broken hearted over this issue too. They were so willing to open their hearts and share their thoughts. They were from Mill City Church in NE Minneapolis. Their church has missional communities and one of them is dedicated to loving and serving victims of sex trafficking. One of the guys has felt lead to go to Moldova to work with children being rescued out of sex trafficking. What a cool connection! I got to share with them what my friends are doing in their ministries, I got to encourage these guys and thank them for being strong men willing to stand up for the millions of victims out there. 

I tried not to cry as we talked. Dudes never know what to do with girls that cry. So I kept my cool :)

Then I went back to my chair, sat back down at my laptop and erased how this blog post had originally started (new year, new goals, yadda yadda yadda...) 

Yep, I will try to work on the list of things my lady neighbors are working on: take better care of myself, more rest, eat better etc. etc. 

But I think the biggest thing 
I want to work on this year 
is being brave.

Even if I look dumb sometimes. I want to be brave, I want to respond to the tingly feeling that comes when I know I am supposed to speak up or do something crazy.

Other things I am working on this year:
-being a voice for the voiceless
-growing my Trades of Hope business (I have my first three parties booked this month!)
-more dates with my man
-being a more patient mama
-learning to play the ukulele!

Happy New Year! What are you working on this year?

A little life lesson...

Watch this short eight minute clip. It's about growing up:

A Must-Watch For Anyone Frustrated With Growing Up

It's so funny because this evening I was stuck in a ginormous line at JoAnne Fabrics and there was a cranky lady at the check out desk. She was reaming the worker out for a sign that led her to believe one price, when in reality it was another price. The manager finally did an over-ride giving her the price she wanted as  she said super loud "...and ONLY because we need to move forward here and there is a long line waiting behind you!" When her total came up she counted out the correct change down to the penny, and then complained again. I couldn't hear the entire conversation but I began getting annoyed.

There were 10 people in front of me in line, and at least 10 more behind me. I got the snarky smirks from those around me, the snarly smirk that says "this lady is nuts... what an idiot..." I did the courteous smirk back, showing my understanding and agreement, but then I looked at the lady again, and this time I saw her with different eyes. I felt empathy towards her. The holidays are supposed to be merry and bright, but they are far from it usually. So many of us strive to make Christmas morning perfect for our kids. We strive to make our house perfect for company. We strive to make the best side dish to display at our mother-in-law's. We are all just trying to do our best. This lady was probably trying to do her best too. I imagined that she was on a tight budget and trying to make her money stretch as far as it could. Maybe she was trying to make home-made gifts for her kids or her siblings. I looked at her face and her cheeks were hot and flushed with frustration and probably embarrassment. Her daughter kept coming in to the store asking her when she was going to be done, that it was cold outside and "YOU HAVE BEEN IN HERE FOREVERRRRR!!" I said a little prayer for that woman, and I truly hoped that she would experience peace and hope.

In the clip I posted there is the mom struggling with the cranky kid. I've been there sooo many times.
There's the single girl, irritated with those around her. I've been there before.
There's the guy, mad that he has to wait in line. I've been there too.
There's the lady on her phone, annoying those around her. Been there.
And traffic. yep.

I love that it mentions that we have a choice about how we react in those "day to day" situations.
That it's not all about us.

I need to remember this daily. 'Cause most days I am stuck on feeling like it is all about me.

broken hearts lead to making a change

This past summer I became friends with one of the most wonderful women in the world. At our first playdate the kids gave us long enough periods of uninterrupted talk time that we were able to share our hearts on so many issues.  One huge heart ache that we had in common was over sex trafficking.

My eyes were opened to the huge overwhelming issue of sex trafficking a few years ago when my parents returned home from the One Thing conference at The International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I had no idea that this atrocity took place in the United States, and even here in Minnesota. At the conference they debuted the preview for a documentary. I wept as I watched. Over a year later I attended the documentary and it forever changed me.

http://nefariousdocumentary.com/

But what difference could I make? How could I help? I'm just a stay-at-home-mama in Minnesota. I don't have time to volunteer. I don't have extra money to give. I have no resources to contribute to the fight for the lives of the women and children affected by sex trafficking.

I kept asking God "what am I supposed to do?! How can I help?!"

I have two friends that are making a difference in their own ways.

My friend Rachel started a makeup company called "be Lovely". She does home parties and raises awareness about women stuck in the sex industry. She sells beautiful lipsticks, lip glosses, eye shadows and liners that are all named after women and their beautiful attributes. She donates a percentage of her sales to organizations that help these women. You can check out her website at http://www.belovely.com/

My other friend Kjersti started a ministry called "Beautiful and Loved" that spreads love and encouragement to women in the sex industry. She and her team deliver gift bags and care packages to these women, reminding them that they are of great worth and value. You can find her website at http://www.beautifulandloved.com/

Recently my friend Jocelyn shared with me about a new business that empowers women out of poverty. Many women around the world try to claw their way out of poverty by working in a sweat shop or selling their bodies. Some are forced to abandon their babies or watch them starve and are so desperate that they are forced in to making money in dangerous, unfair and unhealthy ways. Trades of Hope partners with organizations that are giving women opportunities to make money at at livable wages. They are reaching out to women because statistically it is shown that when one woman is helped out, she brings four others with her.

My job is to be a voice for these women by sharing their stories and marketing their handcrafted goods. In return they receive wages that enable them to feed their families, get health care and send their babes to school. I even get a percentage that enables me to help support my family too.

This is a tangible way that I can help these women, raise awareness, and help make a difference even when I am deep in the trenches of raising small children and a busy family life.

If you would like to help in the most simplest way, if you would like to give a gift that is fair-trade and that helps make a difference this Christmas, please check out the website and place an order before December 16th to ensure that it is delivered on time.
Click   here to see my website and to look at the catalog. 

I've gotten so much support and confirmation in what I am doing with Trades of Hope. I am excited to see where it takes me this next year. 

If you have any questions or want to book a party with me, you can email me at sierrahegstrom@hotmail.com.

Peace be with you on this CHILLY Minnesota afternoon. The high for today is -1. I got to spend the morning with my sweet neighbor friend and her kiddos as we sipped coffee and had good conversation. I am so grateful for other mamas to spend time with during these dreadfully cold days. Hope you are staying warm today.

Sugar Cookies, Noodle necklaces and a Thankful Heart. It's all worth it.

Hey friends!

Yeah, i'm done starting out each post with "oh em geeee it's been so long... sorry I SWEAR I am back to blogging regularly.... blah. blah. blaaaaaah......."

Life's been busy since the beginning of the fall. I'm over it. I've been in a blogging rut. So much is going on and I can't barely process through it all enough to write about any of it.

There are days when I am sure I am ruining my children. Then there are days when I am sure they are ruining me. Today was a little of both.

It's the holiday season, and Christmas will be here in 16 days (the only reason I know that is 'cause "Santa" told my boys that today). Am I prepared? no. Have I begun to shop? not so much. Do we have a tree yet? yes.... Does it have lights or ornaments yet? mmmm... no.

Currently Max and Gabriel are watching a Christmas movie. And Eli is in the kitchen I think, doing dishes. I'm sorta over this day. Mama needs a minute to write it out.

I tried creating fun Christmas memories tonight. I brought my boys (by myself) to our neighborhood coffee shop and eatery Groundswell since they hosted a little party for the kiddos with Santa, cookie decorating and crafts. We got there and the kids had a ball slathering gobs of frosting and spilling piles of sprinkles and candies decorating their cookies. The shop's baker, Megan, was so sweet and patient, allowing for total culinary artistic freedom. It was wonderful. I sipped my vanilla latte and was proud of myself for getting through the stress of getting them out the door in sub-zero weather.

That lasted about 15 minutes from the beginning of decorating to cookies being eaten. Then it was craft time. We took a break to meet with Santa. And of course Max asked me if Santa was real on our way back to the crafts.

Gabriel wasn't about to sit on that man's lap. he wouldn't even get close.

Santa explained to Max that it's important to be a good big brother and to be a good helper.
He wasn't messin' around. he knows Max's type.

Gabe decided to join in to the conversation about what everyone wanted for Christmas.
"I want a arrow and bow!" to which Santa replied, "well... I'll have to talk it over with your mother..."
If Santa was real, I'd want him to be just like this one. 

(**We don't do Santa in our house, so it's confusing for him when we tell him that in our house mama and daddy bring the gifts, and then he meets the jolly guy in real life. We explain that Santa was a real dude, a nice and generous guy who lived long ago and that  people pretend to be him every year around Christmas just for fun. I reminded him in a quiet whisper in front of the other excited kiddos waiting in line**)

Luckily my friend was there to help out during the noodle-bell necklace craft or I think I would've lost it. Max was irritating his brothers. Gabriel was freaking out over where his goody bag was (all while doing the "pee dance" since he refused to go potty before we left the house). Luckily Eli was being a pretty good boy. It was time to go, and as I stuffed their sticky candy cane stained hands in to their gloves, of course Eli spilled his glass of water, of course Max was actin' a fool and Gabe was trying to run out the door. Then my cheeks started to get hot and my throat tightens and I am wondering WHY THE HECK I THOUGHT I COULD PULL THIS OFF BY MYSELF. (Matt was working)

All in the name of trying-to-create-sweet-memories for my kids. Who knows. Who knows if they'll remember or not. If they'll remember that mom was stressed or if they'll just remember that mom braved whatever the turn out was going to be and did it anyway.

Bottom line: They had a huge sugar cookie piled high with frosting and sprinkles for dinner. They got to make their first noodle necklaces with bells on yarn. They got a pep talk from Santa.

On the way out to the car as I am acting like a chicken with her head cut-off  hustling my chicks in a row, I hear a "THANKTH MOM FOR BINGING UTH TO THE COFFEE THOP!"

There. There it was. A thankful heart. It was worth it.
I'm exhausted. I'm just glad they got full off the cookies.

Gabe just saw my new fox earrings and asked "mom? what does the fox say?" Cue the fox song. They know it by heart.

peace out.