I'm going to try and make as much sense as possible here right now.
My heart is heavy and my mind is swirling with a lot of thoughts.
And to top it off, as if I needed one more distraction,
my husband is sitting next to me watching Men in Black III, with the volume up way to high.
So here I go...
Today I was at the Children's Museum with Maximo, Gabriel, Eli, and the little girl that I care for each day, Tya. It took a lot of courage to bring four kids, all by myself. My father-in-law was supposed to come with, but he had to cancel. I had already told the kids the day before that we were going, and had used the "if you don't [fill in the blank] then we are NOT going to the museum tomorrow!" too many times. So I felt obligated to get those excited children to the stinkin' museum.
I was still mad today, about something DUMB from the night before, and had to vent to my BFFE about it. So I texted her to call me asap. She called me and I told her all the DUMB things I was still mad about. And she says "oh. This is why you are calling me? I thought you were calling me about what happened in Connecticut." What happened in Connecticut?! "The mass shooting." Again, the what?! She goes on to explain in little detail about what had happened. My silly anger from the day before quickly dissipated as my world felt like is was at a surreal stand-still. I glanced at my four sweet children and I saw them in a different light.
My job as a parent is to protect my kids, and I take that so seriously. But it is not all up to me. It is not only up to me (and Matt, too, of course) to protect our three boys. We are not in this alone. God's got us covered. And that is such a relief. I trust God's ways are higher than mine. And I believe that in the moments that I am not with my boys, that God is there with them.
All of these shootings are filling people with so much anger and fear. I get it. I totally get it. Unfortunately we live in a messed up world that is filled with awful, evil people and horrific tragedies that take place daily. But during these times, I don't need to figure out all the why's and what-if's. I need to not try and find the answers on my own. I need to not be fearful, and I need to not allow my head to be filled with the multiple scenarios that could some day touch my babies. Right now I need to turn to my Almighty God for peace and hope. I need to raise my babes the best I know how, teach them to make good choices, discipline in a way that is aligned with the desires of God's heart, and stand firm in the belief that I am not in this alone. My children's well-being is not up to me. And that is a good thing, because I am completely incapable of doing this parenting thing perfectly.
My heart goes out to the families that have been affected by what has happened today. I am praying for those in Connecticut. I am loving on my boys. I am thanking God that they are all under our roof tonight: healthy, happy, resting in warm beds, and untouched by the ugliness that lingers in the world right outside of our doors.
“For He has said,
“I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”
So that we may boldly say,
“The Lord is my Helper,”
and I will not fear what man shall do to me.”