Man, this last week has been rough. It's interesting because I feel like I have been reading a lot of blogs lately of mom's that are learning to be real and transparent in their writing. I feel like I keep it real here. And I am going to continue to keep it real here when I tell you that this has been the worst week in a long time.
Matt and I are not BFFs this week. And so that makes everything worse. Marriage is hard. I know I say this often. It's hard but it's worth it. Luckily we have two marriage retreats in February. So by Valentine's Day we will be pros at this marriage stuff.....
Kids have been hard this week.
I endured the WORST story time hour EVER on Friday. I had Gabriel (my 2 year old), and two little girls I was watching (ages 3 and 1). We got there and I reminded them that there needed to be good behavior and good listening ears. Yeah, they forgot all that the moment our neighbor (the story teller) began her reading. Folks, I was THAT mom at story time. The one who's kids were out of control, standing in front of the book so no one could see, crying because they wanted the "E" carpet square and not the "W" one, elbowing some poor innocent boy because he was reaching for the alphabet stamp that they wanted (said boy was SCREAMING and everyone stared at me, the bad mom).... I wanted to lose it. I was so embarrassed. And of course I was wearing the worst jeans for this all to happen. You know those jeans, the favorite ones that are comfy and make you feel kinda skinny because they are kinda loose... yeah, the ones that you need to keep PULLING UP so that your underwear aren't displayed (why are these my favorite jeans again??) I rounded my kids up as soon as the last story was over and we bolted. I made eye contact with no one. I was that mom. The one with saggy jeans (underwear band showing), screaming kids, and the most frustrated face on ever. Racing through a quiet library. We got home and all kids went right down for naps. I was ready for the day to be over before it was even lunch time.
Luckily that night Matt let me leave after I put Eli down and I went to Hil's for knitting by the fire place. It was so nice and relaxing. Of course I instagramed that. I only instagram cute nice things.
Then this morning, I needed to run some errands, so I brought little Gabriel with. We got gas, stopped at the bank, and then I decided to run in to Micheal's to buy some new yarn. We were in there for FIVE MINUTES, and again. You guessed it. I was that mom again. [Newly potty-trained] Gabriel says "mom, I need to go peeeee....." as he stands up in the cart and his pants slowly turn from khaki color to deep brown. "Gabe, Please, No, just a minute as I race to the front of the store. Pee. All over. Luckily they were fleece lined pants that soaked most of it up. What was I supposed to do? Scream "CLEAN UP IN THE YARN AISLE!!"??? Probably. But I didn't. I scooped up my SCREAMING 2 year old (he was mad that I didn't let him keep the little toy he was looking at from the shelf) and again, bolted for the door. Frustrated, embarrassed mom. All eyes on me. Key is to give no eye contact as you are exiting the store.
These are just a few of the difficult experiences I had this week. Ay carumba right?
Yet some how, I'm holding it together. The good thing is, is that I am hopeful. I know that this week will pass, I will probably forget most of it someday, and tomorrow is a new day. Another good thing is that I have encouraging friends and family around me that support me. They let me vent, they let me say the hard stuff, they let me pour out my raw, fleshy emotions and they do not judge me or worry about me. They lift me up with truth and wisdom.
The best thing? I know God's got my back, and I know that he will never give me more than I can handle. In processing with fellow wives/moms, I was reminded that I am equipped to deal with all of the hard stuff that comes at me. God knew the kind of person I was before he gave me THREE boys and this husband. For some reason he decided I was the one for this job. I was chosen for this life. I don't know how most of the time, but I am going to get through the hard stuff that comes my way. These types of hardships make us stronger. They give us stories and experiences that help others.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom we have gained access by faith
into this grace in which we now stand.
And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not put us to shame,
because God’s love has been poured out
into our hearts through the Holy Spirit,
who has been given to us.
If you pray, can you pray for me? I need prayer for peace. I need a lot of peace. And patience too. And I need next week to be a better week. Especially because Max has Monday and Tuesday off from school!
Thanks for reading, thanks for [hopefully] not judging me.
We gotta remember we are not alone in this. Give yourself some credit.
Peace be with you,