"He doesn't think he can handle it..."

I was at the little wading pool with my kids yesterday. I wasn't meeting anyone there and when I don't have a friend with me, I always scan the pool deck for who I may be able to connect with or chat with. Sometimes you can tell that other moms are doing the same thing and it's easy to start up a conversation over someone's cute baby, the fact that our kids are playing well together, or when my son picks up her son's scuba gear and has that mouth piece all up in his little not-teeth-brushed mouth. Ew. But whatever. Thanks for sharing?

Who feels like the coolest dude in the world? This dude right here.

his poor ginormous  little ears did not fit properly under the tight band.

I always feel a little bit first-day-of-high-school-ish when there are groups of moms who have each other to talk with, and I am all by myself. They are usually in some deep conversation, and I stand there pretending that I can't overhear them. I'm not trying to listen, but they also aren't trying to whisper. I overheard bits and pieces of a conversation that caught my attention and it got me thinking. I started thinking about how I would have responded to this mama had she been my friend. I felt sad for her. And then it made me think. A lot.

This mom had an infant in a baby bjorn, and a (I'm guessing) 2 1/2 year old. She was venting about how things were hard at home and in her marriage. Then she talked  about a wedding out of town that she told her husband that she wanted to go to. Without the kids. She said that husband said absolutely not, that "he doesn't think he can handle it." And she was extremely upset. She went on to talk about how she handles the kids on her own everyday. 

generally speaking...

When it comes to parenting, as moms I think know we believe that we know best in a lot of situations, so it's just easier and more time efficient if we just do it on our own. Dad doesn't dress the kids the right way, he can't pack a diaper bag, he doesn't know how to calm a crying child in the night, he doesn't know what to feed the kids for dinner, he doesn't know that the baby's onsies go in the white basket and the socks go in the brown one, he only buys frozen pizzas, juice boxes, and junk when when he goes grocery shopping, he doesn't know how to entertain them with out putting on a movie. Etc. etc. ETC. So it's just easier to do it ourselves.

Why doesn't dad know how to do all of these things? Sometimes (NOT always) it's because we don't give him the chance to learn, try it out, mess up many times along the way, and finally figure it out. We don't trust that he is capable of doing it our way a good job. We correct him every time he is doing something "wrong." Honey, why did you put that shirt on the baby? It doesn't match his shorts... Don't use that sippy cup! Use the other one... Babe, use one wipey, you don't need seven, and don't leave the diaper so loose, make it a little tighter... So dad loses any confidence he had to begin with, and is left thinking well, if I do everything wrong, and she does everything right, then I'll just let her do it. 

And then we need a night out, or a weekend away, and we wonder why dad is hesitant. If they feel insufficient when we are around, why would they feel capable of "holding down the fort" when we are away?

I don't struggle very often in this area. From the beginning I have helped Matt to stay very involved in every aspect of parenting, he gives me plenty of time away, but there is still room for me to grow. Plenty of room. I started writing this post last night right after I sent Matt to the store with a list. The list had 10 items. He came home with seven of those items along with Reese's Peanut Buttercup cereal (don't even get me started on Reese's cereal) and granola bars (Kashi brand. Pumpkin flavor. Kid's won't even eat those!!), and a few other things that Were. Not. On. MY. List. I wanted to lose it. We are on a SUPER tight budget right now and we do not have money for processed sugar foods!!! And I chuckled to myself that I had JUST written about dads that go to the store for and come home with junk. It made me crabby for the rest of the night. And when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy... unless there is Reese's cereal in the house. Then everyone is happy. Except for me.

So what am I trying to say? Give dad some space to figure it out. They need room to mess up and try again. They need time and experience to build up confidence that they can function as good daddies. They need to find their own parenting style. Sometimes your kid is going to wear a mismatched outfit, get a bad haircut, and sometimes your kid is going to eat Reese's Peanut butter cereal. But it's not worth the fight. It's more worth it to let dad feel good that the kid is dressed, groomed and fed. And then maybe he'll be ready to let you leave the baby home with him. Or at least he'll be ready to let you leave while he and baby go to his mother's house to hang for the day:) 

Mama at the pool could have been dealing with a mess of other issues concerning her husband and need to leave for a weekend, but I think that this is a general issue that I have heard from lot's of fellow moms, and I think this is a place to start when trying to find a solution. Just my thoughts.

Alright, well I hope you all have a great weekend. 
Know what I get to do this weekend?
I get to fulfill my life long dream of seeing DONNIE WAHLBERG IN PERSON. That's right everbody, I am 30 and going to my very first NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK concert. I have been waiting 23 years for this. Since second grade. 

(source)

They will probably look this big  from where we will be seated, but that's okay. I've been waiting a long time for this. 

Don't worry, I'll do a full write up of my experience next week. Until then, I'm out. 


Oh wait, one more thing, in case you missed it, I got to do a guest post on my friend Lindsay's blog! I did my first DIY tutorial. Go check it out at http://realhomelove.com/little-glass-lantern-diy-by-guest-blogger-sierra/

I got to do a little glass lantern tutorial. Aren't these cute?!

Okay now I am really out!
Peace