Tuesday, May 26, 2015

we haven't failed. sometimes there is just more...

This year has been hard so far. But, it's what I asked for. I wanted to be gutted and restored. I had no idea what that was going to look like. 

I think I thought that I was going to be really great at working out and taking better care of myself, and I think I thought I was going to have a simple and orderly change of heart over some issues and then it was all going to be resolved. And I think I thought it wouldn't really take that long. But we're on the cusp of summer time and I still have so far to go. Silly girl, Sierra.

I think that we are always hoping that "as soon as winter is over... as soon as I lose the weight... as soon as I finish this project... as soon as my husband and I learn to communicate better... as soon as my little one is a little older.... etc." that we will have arrived. And that will be it. But I'm continuing to learn that life is hard, timing never goes as we had planned, and things come up... hard things. Kids get sick. Weddings get canceled. Relationships drift apart (or come crashing down in an instant). Loved ones move away. Loved ones die. Sometimes it's even the fact that we don't have a dang dishwasher and the legos are seriously in every nook and cranny. Whatever it is, life gets over whelming. And before we know it we feel like we have failed.

But we haven't failed. There was just more to learn. More to understand. More growth that needed to take place. More experiences that needed to be had. 

So many amazing things have happened this year, and so much is on the horizon. As overwhelmed as I feel lately, I have hope that it's all for a reason, all for a purpose. 

So hang in there. Take it one day at a time. Be thankful for the things that are still intact and ushering you forward. 

My swears+prayers are often these days. My Jesus Take The Wheel hashtag is floating in the air above just about every moment with my kids lately. But I know God is listening and holding me near. I know that He delights in me and that as long as I cling to Him for comfort and direction, it's all going to be okay.

The other day, after "the worst day ever" (my children called it when we denied them nachos) some good old fashioned  family fun at an indoor water park and playground, my husband turned to me, and with total confidence he promised "we are going to make it through this. We are not going to die." 

I asked for a nice picture so that I could prove to them
in the future that we DO do fun stuff sometimes. #Jesustakethewheel

I'm just gonna choose to believe him.

Onward y'all. 

p.s. this is my 100th post!

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