Happy Birthday to my sweet son, Eli Gil

Today my littlest boy turns one. I was thinking back to where we were one year ago. We had no idea where we were going to move to, we were hoping and praying for a home. We were surviving the first year with out dad.  Life was bittersweet as we were bringing a new baby in to this world with so much uncertainty. 

Here is Eli's first year in pictures. 

Chicago in June with Uncle Pete, pregnant with baby E.

August 12, 2011. Brand new baby.

Daddy and Eli at the hospital

First family of five shot

Can this picture of Max and Eli be any sweeter?

Our beloved Oscar and Sienna meeting Eli

One of his first smiles, 1 month

Cooking with yaya, 2 months

Wearing a onsie that I wore when as a baby. 3 months

Christmas with Uncle Joe, 4 months

Starting on solids, 5 months

24 hour retreat away with mama at Hilary's house. 6 months.

First bath with the brothers. 7 months

Ice cream in Stillwater, celebrating boppa's birthday.  8 months

California with Uncle Gil. 9 months.

At the beach. 10 months.

Cal and E. Homies for life. 11 months.

Just before his birthday, a little over 16 pounds, six teeth, and such a funny personality.

Although Life is forever changing 

and things get hard, 

one thing is certain: 

It's all going to be okay. 

We got a beautiful house, we continue to heal from the loss of our dad, we are settled in to this new life, and we are encouraged that God has us covered. 

This afternoon we are celebrating both Eli and Max's birthdays. A week from today Maximo Joe will be turning FIVE! And two weeks after that, he will begin KINDERGARTEN! 

Sometimes I just want to go home.

Today I miss my dad.

I wish I could pack the kids up and head over to my mom and dad's. We would get to Inver Grove Heights, and I'd greet the neighbors while Max ran over to his friends. I'd step in to the entry way, and the tiles would creak under my feet. I'd be comforted by the smell of beans in the pressure cooker and the sound of dad correcting papers or tapping on the leather stamps. The screen porch door would be open and the breeze would be sweeping through the kitchen. The door would slam shut behind me and dad would holler from his office "DON'T SLAM THE DOOR!" and I'd roll my eyes and say "settle down dad, the wind caught it before I could get to it." Then he'd say "Oh fine. Let me see your ugly baby" and he'd take Eli from me, and he'd kiss his head, and ask me why I never bathe my kids. Then he'd smile at me, and continue to kiss Eli's furry little head over and over.  I'd hear the clicking of mom's keyboard and walk in to the kitchen, where she'd be at the table on her laptop. She'd get out of her chair and come and hug me, and she'd pour me a cup of coffee. Gabriel would be in the utensil drawer and he'd be running around the house with tongs and my dad's leather tooling weapons supplies. We'd whisper about issues heavy on our hearts, and dad would holler from his office "Who's pregnant?.... What happened?.... " He always had the most amazing hearing. We would joke that he could hear any conversation in the house from his office. The sound of kids screaming and laughing outside would assure me that Max was fine, and I'd just rest on the couch while my babies played near us.

I just have to remember this.

Some days I would do anything to go back to those days. I would do anything to have these days look like those days. But I know that God knows better. That he knew what these days would look like. That he knew there would be dark days and really sweet days to come too. And He is here to get me through. 

That life was good. This new life is good too. I am working really hard to TRUST that this is where I am supposed to be. This is where we are supposed to be, In God's will for our lives. The past has made us stronger, and has prepared us for what is to come. I trust God knows what's best for us, and will continue to lead us and guide us through what this life has in store for us.