Healthy Family Trait Monday: Respecting Privacy

Happy Monday y'all. It's summer. Can you believe it? I spent the morning at Mattocks Park in St. Paul with some of my favorite mamas. My summer is going to involve many mornings at parks with friends and other moms. Wanna meet up with me? Can't wait for that. I love connecting with other women. The book I'm reading right now talks about how we were not meant to do this mothering thing alone. We are meant to be a part of a community of other women so that we can support each other and help each other out. I have many circles of women that I am a part of. I love visiting with each one. I have groups within my church, groups I have met through other friends, neighbors, family. It's fun to intermingle them, and see other friendships blossom. If you don't do so already, I want to encourage you to get out and spend time with other moms this summer! 

Okay, so back to the trait of the week:

4.The healthy family respects 

the privacy of one another.

In our house, we are teaching our boys about privacy. I think that privacy looks different in every family. I have no judgments about how you all do it in your family, but in our family, this is how it goes (usually.) I also think that privacy in our family will look a lot different in even just a couple years from now.

our bright and sunny toilet bathroom

our shower curtain is not so private.

-In our house, we are working towards having privacy when using the bathroom. We close the door when we use the toilet and shower. 

Right now, my boys are all five and under, so closing the door when we use the bathroom is not a huge priority yet. But as Max is getting older, I am reminding him that he needs to close the door when he is using the toilet (especially because Gabriel and Eli love to a. watch, b. use this as an opportunity to wash hands or throw things in the toilet, or c. try to go pee at the same time. All of which turn out to be disastrous) because we need privacy when we use the bathroom. It is not an event that needs to be displayed in front of all who may walk by. And for mom or dad, it is a moment of solitude and quiet (sometimes.) Since we only have one bathroom though, if one is in desperate need of the toilet while a parent is showering, after knocking they are generally granted access. And then I usually have a kid standing outside of the shower, throwing stuff in the tub and trying to climb in with me... oh the joys.  

-In our house, when we change our clothes, we are working on doing so in the privacy of our rooms.

Again, little boys usually care nothing about being naked in front of whoever is near by. But it matters to me to teach them to be modest. I watch a little girl in my home, and I am teaching them that we need privacy when we change, and that it is not a good idea to change clothes in front of her. I am in no way making them feel shameful of their bodies, just that they don't need to be showing their business to everyone around:)

-In our house we respect that sometimes we need alone time.

One phrase that I have helped my children to use is "I need space." In a big family like ours (is 5 a big family? It feels big!) sometimes we just need some space. So I am teaching my boys to say this in order to get some alone time when they are feeling over-crowded. When Max tells this to Gabriel, Gabriel is learning that he needs to step back, and leave Max alone. Sometimes it means that Max is on one end of the couch and Gabriel is on the other. Sometimes it means Max needs the porch to himself. Sometimes Gabriel grabs a toy from Eli and when Eli comes running and hollering for it, Gabriel yells "I need some space!!!" He's still learning. 

-Privacy and friends: When Max has a friend over doors stay open and play time happens where I can see it and hear it. 

At this point, we will not allow kids to be alone with friends behind closed doors. That is a privilege that may eventually be earned as boundaries and rules are established over time. We'll see.

-As for privacy for Matt and I, we have a lock on the inside of our door. 

Parents need alone time. We do not feel guilty that our children do not have 24/7 access to their parents' bedside. We also have a little lock on the outside of our door (super high up) so that little curious ones do not have access to our stuff. Once when our door was not locked, Max found a $100 bill that was in a little dish on top of my dresser. Luckily I happened to see him open his wallet. He had plans to bring it to school for his friend!! Our room: off limits unless they are invited in by us. 

So, there ya have it. Privacy according to the Hegstrom household. What does privacy look like in your home right now? Will it look differently in the years to come?

I'm looking forward to launching a new series this summer called "Mama You Are Beautiful." Check back soon to see what it's all about. 

Peace.