Sometimes I just want to go home.

Today I miss my dad.

I wish I could pack the kids up and head over to my mom and dad's. We would get to Inver Grove Heights, and I'd greet the neighbors while Max ran over to his friends. I'd step in to the entry way, and the tiles would creak under my feet. I'd be comforted by the smell of beans in the pressure cooker and the sound of dad correcting papers or tapping on the leather stamps. The screen porch door would be open and the breeze would be sweeping through the kitchen. The door would slam shut behind me and dad would holler from his office "DON'T SLAM THE DOOR!" and I'd roll my eyes and say "settle down dad, the wind caught it before I could get to it." Then he'd say "Oh fine. Let me see your ugly baby" and he'd take Eli from me, and he'd kiss his head, and ask me why I never bathe my kids. Then he'd smile at me, and continue to kiss Eli's furry little head over and over.  I'd hear the clicking of mom's keyboard and walk in to the kitchen, where she'd be at the table on her laptop. She'd get out of her chair and come and hug me, and she'd pour me a cup of coffee. Gabriel would be in the utensil drawer and he'd be running around the house with tongs and my dad's leather tooling weapons supplies. We'd whisper about issues heavy on our hearts, and dad would holler from his office "Who's pregnant?.... What happened?.... " He always had the most amazing hearing. We would joke that he could hear any conversation in the house from his office. The sound of kids screaming and laughing outside would assure me that Max was fine, and I'd just rest on the couch while my babies played near us.

I just have to remember this.

Some days I would do anything to go back to those days. I would do anything to have these days look like those days. But I know that God knows better. That he knew what these days would look like. That he knew there would be dark days and really sweet days to come too. And He is here to get me through. 

That life was good. This new life is good too. I am working really hard to TRUST that this is where I am supposed to be. This is where we are supposed to be, In God's will for our lives. The past has made us stronger, and has prepared us for what is to come. I trust God knows what's best for us, and will continue to lead us and guide us through what this life has in store for us.