A Focus on Healthy Family Traits

I don't know if you know this about me, but I went to school for human services. I wanted to go in to social services or marriage and family counseling  I wanted to "specialize" in reconciliation. I wanted to help parents (especially dads) create really healthy and loving relationships with their kids. I wanted to assist families in crisis, help families stay together, encourage parents, encourage kids. Encourage families.

I got my two-year degree, and thought I'd go right on to my four-year, and then maybe a masters... but... life happened. Well three kids happened. So now I find myself spending long days reconciling differences between fighting siblings and encouraging big brother to "be kind and helpful" to little brother. I assist husband in the daily crisis of who needs a bath and what the heck are we gonna eat for dinner. It's along the same lines right?

My heart is still so eager to love on, encourage and help people. And that is the best thing about getting the kind of little degree that I did: I learned really great skills that I get to use all the time.

I just came across a hand-out from one of my classes entitled "HEALTHY FAMILY TRAITS." I remember when I got it thinking, "I need to hold on to this because someday I will have kids and a family and I will want to remember this list."

So for the next 14 Mondays, I am going to write about each trait listed, and how we (my little family) either already practice it, or how we are going to attempt to practice it. I want to challenge myself to be more intentional with my family, and I want to challenge YOU to take a look at your own family and evaluate how these traits play out in your world.


1. The healthy family communicates and listens.

I tried to communicate to Matt that I needed these clogs, but he just didn't listen.

Okay, all jokes aside. This is an area where my husband Matt and I still struggle at times. STILL after almost nine years of marriage! My "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" really means 20 minutes. His "I'm just going to go work out quick" means three hours later he comes back after picking up a friend, doing weights AND cardio, having lunch and then dropping friend off. Both of these scenarios drive us nuts. So, we are working on how we communicate time. 

We are also almost always working on communicating our feelings. Typically you hear about how women expect men to read their minds. Well, in our relationship, it's vice versa. So Matt's working on communicating feelings better. I have been working on communicating using less words. I could sit for an hour explaining something as simple as "I need help making sure Max's homework is getting done each night." Matt just needs me to say those twelve words, and he's on it. But If I talk for too long about it, over explaining and trying to figure out the nicest way of saying it, I lose him. 

We also work on communicating expectations. For example, we are going to California next week on a 6 day vaycay with no kiddos. Tomorrow night we are going on a coffee date to communicate our plans and expectations. 

As far as listening? We are both good listeners I think. Unless Matt's talking a bunch of underground locater shop talk about this broken water main and that Xcel guy who did this or messed that up and closed down the whole street and yadda yadda yadda.... I try to listen, even though I have no interest, because it means something to him, and it means a lot for him to be able to see that I am listening. Just like when I talk to him about my blog, my zumba class or my latest playdate and his eyes gloss over a little and he is still watching This Old House over my shoulder.  Okay we need a little work in that area. (p.s. I am totally kidding, I would never tell a story to him while This Old House was on!)

And what does communication and listening look like in family life with three young boys?

We ask our boys lots of questions. After school or when Maximo comes home from a friend's house I listen to him tell me all about it. When Gabe finds the most incredible worm in the whole wide world, I listen, and tell him that his worm is AAAhhhh-mazing. When Eli comes and mumbles the cutest mumble tattle tale and points at the sibling he's mad at in tears, I listen. 

We also are very clear in how we communicate love for each other in our family. And when words of love are spoken here, we all are listening. 

(source)

Hope everyone had a lovely Monday. I sure did. Oh wait. I just realized it is Tuesday. I am going on little sleep here dude. Cut me a break. 

Tomorrow I am planning on posting some house project updates. So stay tuned.

Cheers!